Love Unites Two Men and a City
by Laura Gomez
Marco Antonio Ramos Jara (b. 1970) was raised in a large, extended family in Mexico City, Mexico. There, he was especially close to his grandfather.
“I mean my grandfather for me is my hero... He did not have the chance to go to school. He was hard worker in a farm in his little town. An when I had consciouseness about him I siad, ‘Oh my God, he can do everything.’ He worked in construction, he worked in a [factory], he worked selling balloons in the park, making water ice.... He cooked so nice and so tasty, and he was a very nice host.... What I learned from him is to smile. Even though he passed through the most tough time, hard times he never lost his smile, never, ever. And once he told me, ‘You know what, never lose your smile, because a smile can open a lot of doors.’ ...So I learned that he was a lovely host.... And I think that is why I really enjoy working in customer service.” – Marco Jara, 2019
Marco's grandfather was not only his best teacher, but also the first person to accept his homosexuality.
“My specific memory was... on Christmas time. By that time, I was not open with my family, because I'm gay, so I was not open, and after we have dinner, we listened to music, because he was a very nice musician, too. He played guitar. He played bass. And when it was late and we were to go to sleep, and he gave me a huge hug and he just whispered in my ear and he said, ‘You know what? I know what you are. I know you so well, and you are my grandson, and I love you as you are.’ For me, it was the most great memory I have of him.” –Marco Jara, 2019
Reluctant to come out to the rest of his family, Marco moved to Cancun.
“As I grew up in a very traditional family, that was out of the table. You could not even think about it. And I decide just not to say anything. And when I moved to Cancun I start to live my life as a gay guy. And I just said to myself, ‘If I need to say to my grandparents that, I will do it. If not, they don't need to know about it.’ ...My brothers, my mom, and my grandparents they were so respectfull with my privacy. They never, ever, ever asked me, ‘Hey, do you have girlfriend? When are you plannning to get married? You are so old—’ that kind of questions that people from outside your family always ask you. That was the weird thing. If my parents don't pressure me and they don't give me those questions, then why do the other ones so care about what happens with my life?” – Marco Jara, 2019
In Cancun, Marco got a job as a receptionist at a luxury spa and resort, started his new life, and joined a gay meet-up, through which he met Mark Lane in 2014.
“When he said, ‘I want to know you more,’ And I said, ‘Ok, whatever, yeah, bueno.’ Because I honestly I did not realize that he was going to be the one.... Our first date I took him to Tulum... and the next day he had to fly back to Philadelphia.... When he got back to me, he said, ‘I really want to get to know you.’ So I said, ‘Ok.’ We started to just go out. He is a flight attendant for American Airlines, so he started flying back and forth, and I said, ‘Oh wow, this is serious!’ And the more time we spent together... I was so scared... He just peeled me like an onion, and he just robbed my heart and I fell in love.” – Marco Jara, 2019
Mark also helped Marco make the decision to tell his family about his sexuality.
“When I met my husband, we start to date in Cancun, and he asked me, ‘Heh, do your parents know you are gay?’ And I said, ‘Well, I think they know, but they never ask.’ ...I told myself and made a promise that when I have a formal relationship with someone... I would let them know... After a year, he remembered what I— so he said it was time... to tell my parents. My husband said, ‘Everyone in my family knows about you, and I want them to know about me. I want to be part of your family like you are part of mine.’.... And I said, ‘You are right.’ That time just arrived.” – Marco Jara, 2019
Marco planned to tell his family after taking them out to eat at a nice place. Things did not work out the way he wanted, however, so he did it in a different way.
“Monday arrives. My sister and I met at the mall center... and I said, ‘It is now or never.' ...I took her to a restaurant near there and after dessert I said, ‘Ok, I have something to tell you... Well, do you see my Facebook? ... Do you realize I have a lot of pictures with one person?... Well, he is my boyfriend... and we are going to get married, and we are going to move to the United States.’ And she said, ‘Whoa—Now this gay stuff I understand, but you cannot tell me this just in once—that you are gay, you have a formal boyfriend, and you are going to move to the states. Are you crazy? Ok, I realized that you were gay many, many years ago, but I am glad that you told me, that you were open to me, and I have no problem for that. You are my brother, I love you.’” – Marco Jara, 2019.
After coming out to his sister, Marco told the rest of his family later that day. In August 2017, Marco traveled to the United States to meet Mark's family and friends.
“They are from York, Pennsylvania. It was so nice to meet all his family, all his friends, all his life here. We told them that we wanted to get married, but we did not know when... We went back to Philly and his friends said, ‘Okay guys, you have to spend one day at our house...’ So they organized our wedding, and we did not know anything... They said we had to get ready because the next week we would get married... Everything was perfect...We got married on August 25, 2017.” – Marco Jara, 2019
His first few days in the United States, Marco had to get around the city by himself since Mark had to work. Right away, he noticed why Philadelphia was so special, and realized that living there was the right decision.
“I could see the diversity of the city; different faces, different cultures, different people. And when I listen, one girl that was in front of me speaking on the cell phone in Spanish. Then I said, ‘Okay, I took my decision. Yes, I am going to move here.’ ... Every day I discover a new thing here in Philadelphia, and I really enjoy my time here.” – Marco Jara, 2019.
Having lived as a gay man in both Mexico and the United States, Marco can compare the way gay people are viewed in both countries.
“Perhaps in Latin America, we have our own perception of Americans, because all the media that you send to us; TV shows, movies, they show an open society. But when I arrived here, I realized that it is not true. Because you have to deal with a lot of stuff as well, over the years. So, I think that here could be the same. Before I had the perception that American was going to be more open minded, but you have to fight for your rights.” – Marco Jara, 2019.
When interviewed in March 2019, Marco was volunteering at the William Way Center and Broad Street Ministry, and looking for a job.
“Philadelphia really open its arms to me when I arrived here. And for me, giving back something to the people who live here for opening their arms to me....I [have] no bad experience to tell....Everywhere that I go I just see love.... City of Brotherhood Love.” – Marco Jara, 2019.